This might end up as random ramblings, as it is almost midnight, but I figure I need to place my thoughts somewhere.
My issue right now, mainly, is career choice. Law is my ideal - but only for logical reasons, and seems currently impossible. To me, it seems like an easy choice, something I would be good at and could accomplish (although even the latter seems difficult right now - can't even get myself to study for the LSATs), as well as be relatively content with my life - money, security, mentally challenging job.
It also doesn't feel like enough.
I'm not into the "believe it and you can achieve it" or "follow your heart" business. It doesn't seem practical. But a part of me can't help but think of the possibilities I miss out on life because of my strategic thinking. I can't get out of my head the fact that I'd be happier being something like a buyer for a clothing company, but how does one achieve something like that? Isn't that passion improbable? Unattainable? Sure, some can reach their dreams, but some don't. I feel like in all the usual cliche speeches people seem to forget the increasing homeless rate, how many people live on welfare, or that the divorce rate is upwards of 40%. Is that cold? Or simply rational?
I suppose, when it comes down to it, following my dreams equals leaving my life. This city is too small for these aspirations. I'm just not sure I'm willing to make that sacrifice - leave my family, my love, my home. People complain too much about this city and don't seem to realize it's perfect.
There's also the problem that even my security blanket seems impossible right now (law). I'm not as smart as I once thought.
And these are the things that panic me at night so much that I need to write them down, for anyone to see. To know I'm not alone in all this, I suppose, or even for a little advice. I'm just so rushed to begin my life, I feel like I'm running out of time and making all the wrong choices in the meantime.